A frequently-asked query:
Dear {insert business name here},
Keeping up in the current business world can be difficult. New technology puts new strains on the business owner. The internet has been such a fantastic tool when it comes to marketing and advertising, but it can be a little intimidating.. How do I buy a domain name? Okay, what is a domain name? How much will it cost me? Who will help me pick out the best host plans for my needs? How can I get a nice looking, affordable website on a budget? This is so frustrating!
(yahoo character limit… continued below)
It’s come to my attention that your business isn’t located on the net yet. But I can help you change that. My name is Courtney Steen, and I’m a local free-lance web designer right over here in Ankeny. I’ve been in the internet community for 5 years. I specialize in taking care of the small and local business owners… Why? Because I’m a small business owner myself! I like to create a very intimate bond between my clients and I. Best of all, my price is right and unbeatable in this industry.If you’re even a little bit interested, please check out my website and see what I can do for you. I’m willing to drive within 25 miles of the Des Moines area for a no pressure consultation; otherwise I’m perfectly fine chatting with you about what you want out of your website over the phone or e-mail (courtney@pianopetals.net). Even if you don’t choose me to assist in your internet expeditions, I can gladly point you in the direction that would be best suited for you and your businesses’ needs.
Happy surfing,Courtney Steen
Piano Petal Designs
www.pianopetals.net
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Change "local free-lance" to "professional".
Tips: Don’t use "local free-lance". Seem to sound like lack of experiences.
Change "small and local business" to "major business".
Take out the ‘small’ in "I’m a small business owner myself!" to "I’m a business owner myself! ".
Tips: Don’t use "small" or "local" in business letter. Seem to imply that they cannot afford to hire professional.
To be honest, I think it’s alittle too long.If i was to get this inthe mail or in an E-mail I would probably not take the time as time isn’t what business people want to waste. I would break it down , just like a resume. Who you are ,what you do & how it may benefit MY co..More on what you can do & less of the problems of understanding the internet..Maybe insert a graph or a pie chart of how your services have changed others business.
I’m not an advertising person but it sounds okay to me. Here are a couple of grammar corrections:
and local business owners… Why?
That should be a period. Three dots are an ellipsis and indicate something unfinished.
I like to create a very intimate bond between my clients and I.
That should be "between my clients and me." In this case, "me" is the object of a preposition.
Des Moines area for a no pressure consultation; otherwise I’m perfectly
Two errors: it should be "no-pressure consultation" since you’re using two words to modify a single word.
The semi-colon is okay here but I’d use a period and a comma after "otherwise." It just reads better to me.
Good luck!
I think is too long… ppl is lazy to read hehehee ! anyways I would short that and put some graphics and colors ! (that will make your proposal more attracted to read).
-Main Problem (Frustating web design… Marketing… Advertising… etc etc etc)
-The solution! (Your Business).
Good Luck.
The message is good but as it is it probably won’t get read in it’s entirety & you therefore probably won’t get the response that you’re looking for.
Remember that most people just scan sales letters so try and shorten the paragraphs (big blocks of text don’t get read) and put the features & benefits in bulleted form – this will help get the message across & elicit a response.
Good luck, hope this helps